Do you ever feel like...?

On my eighteenth birthday, I have a question to ask…

Do you ever feel like life is whirling by and leaving you behind?

I rather do sometimes.

Like, it seems almost all my childhood friends are either in a relationship, recently married, or expecting their first baby. It’s a joyful, yet slightly overwhelming season. I find myself thinking, When is it going to be my turn?

And as I realize, Goodness, you’re an adult now, Shantelle, I fret, What am I going to do with my life? Yes, I’m an author; I have a passion for penning tales; I’m on the road to publishing. But… it doesn’t feel like enough. I mean, most young adults my age have busy jobs, their own apartments, are in college for some spectacular career… I worry, Am I not “enough” in the world’s eyes?

I don’t own a car yet. No, I’ve never dated. Yep, I still live at home. Actually, I don’t believe college is in my future… Um, no, I don’t have a job at the present.

 Do you sometimes feel like a failure?

 Yep.

And I’m afraid people’s disapproving looks or even well-meaning comments have helped me feel so.

But after reading a splendid, heart-felt poem by lovely blogger, Michaela; I was inspired to take a good look at my life and reevaluate: What is truly important?

Perhaps life isn’t all about making money, independence, taking your place in the world… Perhaps it’s about touching the world. Loving your family. Being there for your friends. Using the gifts God has given you to make an impact on people’s (even just one person’s) heart and soul! Maybe it’s about being content where you are. Serving even when you feel impatient to move onto the next step in life.

I think about moving out. Moving out of the state actually, getting a job, and doing some minor ballet classes.

But I’m still seeking God’s plan on that. Perhaps I need to be here, serving my family for a bit longer. I love them all dearly—it would be hard to leave… especially considering the little siblings who have so much more growing to do!

But if I stay here, shouldn’t I get a job and a car already? You know, there’s clothing stores, dessert shops, or a library I could maybe work at.

     Well, I don’t know yet. My writing is very important to me; I feel like God has a plan for it. I don’t want it to get pushed aside. Why is it so stressed for me to get a job anyway? I don’t really need the money—have no friends to hang out with anyway. I’m serving my family right now. Always plenty of dishes and laundry to do, babies to hold, and toddlers to entertain, :). And plus I think it's good practice. If I want to be a wife and mommy someday, I’ll be home all day doing dishes and laundry, cooking and baking, taking care of children. I guess sometimes I just don't want a job, and car, and all this "teen-young adult" independence. I simply want the awesome job of being a home-keeper (which all of you wife&mothers out there know can be quite hard work, but absolutely rewarding!). Can you understand? Because truly I do understand the importance of learning how to support yourself and whatnot… but this is how my heart feels. I want to be a stay-at-home mom… I want to touch souls for God through my works of fiction.

So here’s the thing. I really have little idea of where my life is supposed to go and how it’s supposed to transpire. Maybe I should think less of my own grand schemes, and even less of the world’s ideas, and trust God to guide my feet onto the paths He would choose.

He sees the big picture. And He knows what’s best for me, His daughter.

Perhaps eighteen is the time to get married. Perhaps twenty-three. Perhaps thirty. I don’t know what's for me. I’m perfectly for getting married young as long as both are seeking God. I’m less excited about getting married older, ;), but I choose to trust that God knows best! He knows when my dear prince charming is ready, He knows when I’m ready, He knows the perfect time in which we should join lives. It’s all good. And if He plans to give me a passel of children, He will make it happen, no matter how old I am. :)

Maybe I will get a car and a job and all that soon here. Maybe I will focus solely on writing my Christian-allegory series a bit longer. Maybe I will move out of state. I’m still seeking God’s plan on all that. I know He will show me what He’s calling me to do.

In the meantime, I’m just going to keep helping out and loving on my family, writing my adventurous fantasy tales, and praising my incredible King! And enjoy being eighteen. Forget the world’s expectations. Forget being "mature" and “enough” in the world’s standards. I shall be joyful and zealous and trusting, and strive to please my God in all I do. What else could be more important?

Books I've enjoyed recently or are just timeless favorites for me, :)
*From my bookshelf, and photos taken by Tasha- Through My Lens*

 

 

 

Got this weapon in the mail yesterday!! :) Yay, Karalee shall have her sword! :) :)