Why I Stopped Writing (and other small revelations)

So, why did I stop writing?

I've been writing stories since eight-years-old ... been wanting to publish books since I was a little girl. I used to write almost nonstop. I always had an exciting tale in the works.

But as I got older, I think stress, anxiety, and even depression started to creep in and stifle my creative spirit. I overthink things like crazy, and I think I've been going through some kind of early-twenties crisis where I'm just trying to figure out life! And I'm really having a tough time of it!

Recently, when I had a full-time job at a daycare, I felt like I was losing myself. I woke up every weekday morning, tired; irrational dread looming over me. I struggled through the day - this exhausting battle in my mind. When I got home from work around five o'clock, I usually just felt tired and uninspired. No energy for writing. The stories still came sometimes, but I didn't dare sit down and write. I guess I was scared of staring at the blank page and feeling panicky, like ...

Why don't the words come? Why can't I do it anymore?

It's like my dream to write and publish just slowly died during these last couple years. It's been hard, because I do still have this urge to write. To create stories. To share my thoughts with the world.

But I guess I just decided I couldn't do it.

The good  news is, I've been healing in a lot of ways! The dream to publish a book is coming back to life deep in my heart - a little burning ember. I haven't forgotten about Karalee and Wolfe. *smiles* I still think about my first novel, Silver Rose, and I want to keep working on it.

But it might be awhile yet. And that okay. I'm learning that God doesn't see time like we do. I need to rest in His timing ... trust that He's in the details.

I still don't have a laptop. And I still feel a lot of stress and uncertainty about where I am in life right now.

But I think there's a change coming.

This verse has been on my heart for about a year and a half. I feel like it's my verse for this season ... for the coming season.

1 Peter 5:6-11

6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, 7 casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 9 Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. 10 But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. 11 To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

I'm ready to be settled and established. The biggest thing that means to me at this moment is finding relief from the stress, I suppose. (That reminds me of a NF song: My Stress). In order for that to happen, there are some things about my life that I need to change or adjust. I've been praying and seeking the Lord ... waiting for Him to open doors and lead me where He wants me to be!

I think I'm going to have to make some sacrifices and take some leaps of faith. You all can be praying for me!

For now, what it looks like is me stepping back from this blog. Being the personality I am, in the life situation I'm in, I have a hard time balancing things. Not subconsciously worrying about blogging here will hopefully free me up to more fully pursue other things.

Like making friends. Building relationships in real life. Cooking and baking. Working on Silver Rose. Reveling in the little, simple moments.

I'll still be on Lady Grace sometimes. Maybe do a life update over there now and then. Perhaps share recipes. Do a book review or two.

But I'm going to cut back on book reviews, too. I'm going to be very selective about what kind of fiction I read. Why? Well, I just wonder how beneficial it is to read romance all day long. Don't get me wrong. I'm all for romance. Just ask my friend who recently got married ... more than once while we were talking about her and her now-husband, she laughed and said: "Shantelle, you're such a romantic!" And I am. Proudly. *winks* Romance is a glorious design of God's! But I think I'd rather wait to experience my own special, real romance someday than constantly be half-living fictional romances. This doesn't mean I'm no longer going to read Christian romance, probably just a lot less.

I don't think I'll be doing Youtube videos anymore, either. I may end up deleting my channel. But for now it's just there. As much as I love interacting with you all, I just need to be in my real space in the world. As cool as it is to connect with people who are so much like me online, I end up feeling perhaps even more lonely than before because we can't connect face-to-face. And that's important to me because I'm a super relational person. My top love language is probably quality time!

I do still want to stay in touch with you! If you want to, too, please follow me over at Lady Grace. I am hoping to pick up novel writing again sometime ... for God's glory! So excited for the ways He's going to use me in His kingdom work! Perhaps someday I'll be able to tell you all that Silver Rose is ready to be explored. *smiles*

For now, here I am, still trying to figure things out. But more and more, I'm resting in the fact that my Heavenly Father is working it all out for me!

My older brother said to me, about this song, the other day: "This is your song, hey?" I think I agree. *smiles*

NF - Change

Change is sometimes scary. But I think I'm ready now. I'm looking ... searching ... for change.

Dear readers, the very best choices you can make in your life are to pursue intimacy with Jesus Christ and give your life for His kingdom work!

Love you all and wishing you the very best! <3

How Life Is Going ...

Hi, friends! How have you all been? I wanted to give you all a little life update. God is good! As always.

Enjoy the photo dump! And just for your information, I will be on a hiatus of sorts for almost a week, starting tomorrow. Going to be housesitting and I probably won't have service and such. Yay! *winks*

Still working through my "read-the-Bible-in-a-year". I'm now in Job and Acts! And, of course, loving those Christian nonfiction books!

Read my review of Freedom! by Jennifer Renee Watson HERE.

A trip to Smoothie King with sister and friend! ^_^

Sick day. Make that days. I was sick for over a week with a flu of sorts. Missed church, Wednesday night Bible study, and two and half days of work. It was terrible.

I've been sick three times in the last month and a half. Cold, flu, allergies ... I don't know. But I've had my fair share of days of feeling miserable. Thankfully, no more missed days of work. And I've been taking some natural supplements to help allergies and I've been feeling much better!!

My doctor thinks my immune system is down and all. But I believe God has kingdom work for me to do, and I'm not going to let being sick all the time prevent me from doing that! I'm praying against sickness. Praying for healing. Trusting God, whatever happens.

Book haul! The Lacemaker by Laura Frantz, Angel Eyes by Shannon Dittemore, and The One True Love of Alice-Ann by Eva Marie Everson. I was gifted with some money for Valentine's Day. All three of these novels were amazing, by the way! *heart eyes*

Still a little sick. But well enough to make myself some yummy lunch! Sweet potatoes, mushrooms, green peppers, and chicken!

Chiropractor/doctor visit. Tired. A little sick. (Excuse my flyaway hair.)

Earl Grey Tea to help me get through the work day! However, I've found that I can't have caffeine too much. I think it eventually starts to make me feel more tired.

Overnight babysitting job! Reading my Bible in the morning.

Still haven't finished this book, but it has been amazing! I would definitely recommend that you check it out!

Still struggling with feeling poorly. But went with my sisters to snap a few pictures downtown. I wanted a new profile picture. *winks*

Riding with sister to work.

 

Easter Sunday!

 

And a little photo shoot with these awesome books by @GirlDefined! Kristen Clark and Bethany Beal have just released their third book, Sex, Purity, and the Longings of the Girl's Heart. And it's great!!

 

Love Defined // Girl Defined

I feel like God has been giving me a vision of leading a Bible study for teen to adult women for years. So recently, I stepped out in faith and decided to start a book study on Girl Defined. It's starting next Saturday! I'm excited and nervous! Please pray for me and for God to work mightily in all these young women's lives! <3

Doing one of my favorite things! Thrift shopping!! Who else loves thrift shopping?

Baby clothes!! I couldn't help but buy a few while shopping. 100% cotton, of course! *winks* My little brother is coming sometime this month! I'm so excited to hold him close and get to know him! Babies are so precious. I can't get enough of them! <333

Thankfully, I get to hold sweet little ones at my job!

My Father is preparing a place for me! What a precious truth! I'm not perfect, but He wants me! He welcomes me! In His house, there's a place for me. Praise Jesus Christ! <3

A Chick-fil-A treat on a hot day! Half unsweetened tea, half lemonade, of course! I'm so happy that summer is coming. It was 81 degrees, or so. I am so done with winter. I was so done with winter in January, probably. I'm a summer girl. ^_^

Do I look tired? Because I was feeling exhausted!!! Work for four hours. Work-out for 20 minutes. Feeling ready to collapse. But happy about my new, thrift-shopping dress.

Surprise baby shower to celebrate my mom and baby boy! What a sweet time.

Taking pictures and sharing as part of the launch team for Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl's Heart!

Chick-fil-A for supper! With three sisters, brother, and some cousins! It was a special event at our Chick-fil-A, so it seemed like the perfect time to splurge on some yummy-ness!

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Other news:

* One of my dearest friends is engaged and asked me to stand as a bridesmaid! So excited for a summer wedding and vacation! ^_^

* I decided I'm done with PBS series. They all seem to be pushing a leftist political agenda instead of giving us quality entertainment. And I'm so done. Call the Midwife has gone so downhill, and I can't ignore it anymore. Their latest thing is pushing the abortion and transgender stuff. Abortion is cruel and heartbreaking and I don't feel like I should keep watching. (The first three seasons of Call the Midwife are pretty great, though! It was after the woman whose life the show is based on died that it really started becoming about gay people, abortion, sexual promiscuity, and transgender.)

* I love Swiss Dark Chocolate. *grins*

* I'm getting more into politics and social issues than ever before. It's time to be part of the resistance! Stand for truth, justice, and freedom. I'm an American and I intend to fight for the things my country was founded on. Faith and liberty.

Check out the Youtube channels on such things that I follow. Listed on the side of this blog.

* I'm part of the launch team for Flight of the Raven by Morgan L. Busse (amazing so far!!!) and The King's Mercy by Lori Benton (which I haven't received yet.)

* I'm hoping to look into volunteering at my local crisis pregnancy center. Ask me about it later. Hopefully that'll give me the push to just go there and ask about volunteering!

* So thankful for my family in Christ. I don't know what I would do without them. <333

TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE!!  

Little Life Update! (at last)

Hello, readers! I'm coming to you today with some photos, some books, some ... stuff. A little bit of a life update! I hope you all have been doing well and are living with purpose as we begin this third month of 2019. ^_^

So, it's been awhile! Let's begin with Christmas 2018. I had an absolutely beautiful Christmas Day with my family. Even my older brother was there, as he was able to fly out and join us last minute! It was such a sweet time & very blessed.

Living room after some cleanup has happened. *winks* Christmas morning we all gathered here and opened gifts.

Some puzzle time!

Fun gifts from family! Of course, my seven-year-old, little sister gives me her torn-up copy of Deborah because I love books! Hehe.

A beautiful Christmas Day. I went outside with my book, a journal, and red nail polish.

All ready for the festivities with relatives!

Going to town.

In the beginning of January, I went to an awesome conference. Read about it HERE.

Bible study on Wednesday night. My group just started a new book called Turning Everyday Conversations into Gospel Conversations.

Started reading through the Bible again. The NKJV this time.

Shopping at Goodwill. Yes, ma'am!

Coffee because I had a gift card. I'm not a big coffee-drinker, but I have to say that Starbucks' coffee tastes much better than Dunkin' Donuts. In my opinion. *winks*

Writing blog posts & reading at Starbucks. Their coffee is good. They have healthy snacks. And it's just the perfect place to write. So quiet and cozy and relaxed.

Some of my cousins came to visit for about ten days! We had lots of fun. Always love seeing those dear-hearts. *winks* *hugs*

Had a burst of energy after work and decided to spring-clean my room!! (A little early, haha). It was great. Although, after about three hours of being on my feet and cleaning, I was aching all over. My bones, my joints ... they have issues. :p

I found this pretty shirt at Goodwill for half-off. ^_^

***

So yes! I got a job! ^_^ In childcare again. I'm really enjoying it! This time, it's only part-time.

... Which is okay, because I'm still working on getting healthy! My last doctor left his position, so I'm going to a new naturopathic doctor/chiropractor who has helped some of my relatives &  family acquaintances. I'm already starting to see improvement!

Back on my crazy, anti-inflammatory diet where I can't have - in addition to gluten, dairy, peanuts, coconut, & flax seed - eggs, beef, turkey, tuna, pork, almonds, black pepper, kidney beans, apples, grapes, oranges, avocados, carrots, cabbage, oregano, and so on and so forth.

Plus, I'm trying to stay away from sugar because that's obviously inflammatory as well ... and just bad for you in general.

I'm doing a little bit of working out about three days a week. Goodness, am I ever out-of-shape! :p We're working on it, folks.

I went back to the amazing bookstore that I went to for my birthday! Traded in books I didn't want for about $30 of pretty, new books!! (Maybe I should do a Book Haul Youtube video one of these days. Hmm.)

I'm going to meet my seventh younger sibling in May! So excited for this sweet baby to arrive! <3333 What a precious blessing.

I've been meeting new people, deepening friendships, experiencing new things, and continually finding God faithful. He, the Lover of my Soul, is always so close. I'm amazed at the way He comes through in even the little moments. <3

***

Recently Watched:

Like Arrows - my Mom bought this and we watched it around Valentine's Day. It wasn't quite as good as I was hoping it'd be, but still a worthwhile watch ... and a needed message! Some really poignant moments.

Play the Flute - decided last-minute to go and see this in theaters with my sisters and a friend. It was good! Surprisingly well-acted!

Counting On: Season Nine: Episodes 1 & 2 - I just love this family. So much excitement going on this season.

Currently Reading:

The First Love by Beverly Lewis

Grown-Up Faith: The Big Picture for a Bigger Life by Kevin Myers

Turning Everyday Conversations into Gospel Conversations by Jimmy Scroggins, Steve Wright, and Leslee Bennett

1 Kings

Luke

Latest Lady Grace Blog Post:

Politics, the Medical World, and More

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Anyway, that's all for now, peoples! Let me know what's been going on your life. How are you doing? Anything I can be praying about for you? Blessings! <3