Tuesday, February 28, 2017

"A Quiet Extrovert"

I like people. I'm an introvert—oftentimes insecure and socially awkward. Have a hard time talking in front of crowds or being the center of attention in general. But ...

I love meeting new people.

I long to make new friends.

I adore big gatherings—where I'm surrounded by people (and at least one trusted friend) but am not pressured to be involved. I can visit at my own pace.

I am thrilled when I talk to random people in town; it makes life feel interesting and full of hope.

I thrive on devoted relationships and deep conversations.

I've done quite a few personality tests, one of which is found at 16personalities.com. There I was labeled "TheAdvocate", an INFJ personality. An introvert. But interestingly enough, people with this personality type are often known as "quiet extroverted types".

I'm very passionate about books, writing, and literary characters; and I need my own space sometimes, but ... I feel I will wither up and die inside without real companionship and community.

While living on the west coast, a distant cousin approached me wanting to form a friendship. I was actually a little amazed that she wanted to get to know me; and delighted, of course! We got together several times and talked easily, having lovely times. Even though I think we were both pretty nervous to meet each other in person!
Later, I met one of her nieces at a young people’s event. We talked the whole evening about blogging, writing, and different topics—and I thoroughly enjoyed myself!
Then I met three more of her nieces (we’re all around the same age, more or less) and had an absolutely amazing time visiting with them.
I was surprised and quite happy to find out how much I had in common with all five young ladies, and it was just so fun to get to know them and start forming friendships. I had so missed that companionship—having people who actually understood certain trials you were going through, struggles you faced, or quirks you just thought no one else could relate to! *smiles*

Another moment that stood out to me while living on the west coast was when another one of my cousins quoted to me from one of my favorite books (one of her favorites too!), when I was sick. I always find myself remembering that particular happening because it felt very special to me, what with how important books are to me. For me, it was a moment of true connection and friendship. ^_^ Peoples, when you connect with me through books, it means a lot. *smiles*

Currently, I’m back at my family’s house with my parents and siblings. I do miss my older brother, relatives, and new friends on the west coast, but it feels right to be where I am at this time.
  • Investing in the lives of my six younger sisters & brothers.
  • Talking and spending quality time with my mom.
  • Devoting time to my writing project.

But I struggled for many weeks, wondering about finding that companionship outside my family here. And guess what? I felt the faithfulness of God last Saturday when my mom, sister, and I met with another mom and her oldest daughter (from my family’s homeschool group). We sat at Chick-fil-A eating waffle fries and drinking half-unsweetened-tea-half-lemonade (*wink*), and talking for hours. Talking about books, and other such things, mind you. *grins* After that visit, I felt more refreshed and hopeful than I had in a long time.

And, I’m planning to go to Bible study at my family’s church for the first time. I’m really excited!

So what is the point of this post? Well, I suppose to just give you a little glimpse into my life, and thoughts, and feelings.

And let you know that I love to connect with you! Having a blog has been such a blessing, in that I get to bond a little bit with so many readers and writers and other such folk!

(Share my blog with others! *smiles*)

So, I am an introvert—but I love people. Companionship means everything to me.


  1. Awww... you sound just like me! (with the exception that I don't really mind being alone... unless it is alone in a sea of people... that's scary). I have a hard time talking to people too, sometimes I force myself to... only to wish that I had not bothered trying. But oddly, I don't have a problem speaking in front of crowds (as long as I know what I am doing :| ). It would seem like I have the biggest problems with one-on-one, or small crowds. I would rather write/text/email someone because then the pauses don't seem so awkward. But even then, I have a hard time (took me months before I even sent you the email about Silver Rose. My brother would ask me if I had send the email to you yet -he knew how much I wanted to- and I would be like "I drafted it, but I am going to wait to send it." Not really sure what my logic was there, but I did use the excuse of my homework).
    Anyway, thank you for this glimpse into your life, I feel like I know you better because of it =)

    1. It's so fun to find similarities, Polaris! :D Small crowds can be hard, especially if there's someone I know watching me; but one-on-one is actually my favorite! :) I love connecting on a personal level.

      Aww, you shouldn't have been so nervous to send it! I was honored and happy to get your email! ^_^ But I know, it can be hard to send things like that!! I've definitely done that before. Been like, "I'm just going to send it!" Then after you click 'send', you're like, "What have I done??" Haha! ;)
      Anyway, don't ever be hesitant to email me. :) I will let you know how things go with Silver Rose, and hope you enjoy it when it's finally published!!

      You're welcome! ^_^

    2. Yes, it is nice to find similarities, it makes things easier sometimes (unless both people are quite, then you get nowhere;). Hahaha, yea... one-on-one is easier for me than two-to-one (I have a hard time balancing that)... but still hard (I never know what to say).

      Well I'm not nervous talking to you now, its just that I never sent an email like that before... it kinda freaked me out ;p And yes, I have definitely had those "send" regrets (especially after I realized I clicked send without spellchecking 0.0).

      Awww, thank you Shantelle! Your SOoooo sweet! <3 Oh, I am certain I will just LOVE Silver Rose, don't you worry about that =D

    3. Haha, that's true! It's fairly difficult for two quiet people to get to know each other .... but it definitely can be done! You just have to work at it! :)

      Two-to-one is hard. Usually there's just one person awkwardly left out; that would be me most of the time! :p

      Yes, I understand! :) Oh yeah, forgetting the spellcheck! That's no fun!

      You're welcome, Polaris! :) :) Oh, I hope you do!! ^_^ <3

  2. I think we'd make great friends -- I really hope I can meet you someday at a conference or any other way in which our paths would connect. <3

    I'm an ENFP, which is often described as the "introverted extrovert." I love talking and connecting to people, but like you said, sometimes insecurities can make me become quiet and not as talkative. Not a fun thing. -.-

    I just had a really nice time with some friends at Chick-Fil-A the other night, so this post seems like it was written for me. ;)

    1. Aww, I hope so too, Katie!! I would love to be friends! :) I'm so hoping that someday I'll make it to Realm Makers! (You've been there, right?) But I'm not sure it's going to work out this year.

      Ah yes, I so know that feeling! It isn't fun at all. I'll have to look up the ENFP personality ... so interesting to learn about them all. ^_^

      Hey, that's so cool! Awesome! ;) ^_^ (Chick-fil-A is amazing! *grins*)

  3. I LOVED this post, Shantelle!! <333
    You're a lot like me. I love being in large groups as long as I'm not pressured to be involved. I am content to just watch and listen, and to open up and talk at my own time.
    Some people try to push me out, saying "Go talk. Make friends. Now!"
    When I want to go talk and make friends, I will. (shaking and freaking out the whole time, but I do it. ;P)
    If people try to make me make friends, I get stubborn and am like, "No."
    This happened when we were in NH for Great-Grandpa's funeral. Your sister was there and my mom told me to go talk to her. And I got stubborn and hid in the basement whenever she came over with your mom. (I don't think she remembers this)
    But when I felt ready to talk to her, I wrote her a letter. Years later. ;P But I DID do it! =D

    1. So happy you enjoyed, Daminika!!! <3 <3

      YES! It's good for people to let you open up in your own time. I can feel pretty anxious about gatherings where I think I'll be pressured to be involved. If I feel comfortable and free to visit as I want, then it can feel much safer to open up and be involved. ;)

      Hahaha, she probably didn't even realize! Good thing you're friends now! :D

      Yep! I've gotten much braver about getting to know new people! ;D But it took me awhile to get to this point ... It just takes time, you know! :)

  4. I am glad you feel where you belong!
    And I am also glad you enjoyed visiting with me and my sisters that night! I enjoyed it a lot.
    I suppose I am just a true blue introvert myself? I feel anxious in large crowds, and avoid any contact in public. *wink*
    Though, family gatherings are everything to me! The bigger the better when it comes to that. <3

    1. Thank you, Felicity! I feel pretty at peace right now, which is wonderful! :)

      Yes!! It was so lovely and I was so happy that you all made it that night! <3 Loved getting to know you better! :)

      Yep, I suppose you are! ^_^ I can still feel anxious in crowds, depending who's there; but I guess my "extroverted" side shows when I feel so delighted to be with people in certain situations. :D

      Oh, I agree! Family gatherings are the best! When my family got together out there for our family reunion, it was amazing! <3

  5. I'm a quiet extrovert too. An ENFP like Katie. Recently I was away from home at a course for a week and really found adjusting back to the quietness of home difficult. I'm in the process of making more friends who actually live nearby. I'm still terrible at starting conversations though.

    1. Hey, neat that you and Katie have the same personality, Brie! :) It's sounds fairly close to the results I got.

      Ah, that must have been hard. I'm glad you are making friends now!! I'm at that same point, as you probably gathered from my post. I think I've gotten a little better at starting conversations ... maybe ... it is hard!

      I hope you find a great friend group! ^_^

  6. Oh good gracious - I LOVED this post, Shantelle! I'm ISTP - but I guess I'm kind of a quiet extrovert, too. It takes a good deal to get me to come out of my shell, but I LOVE companionship. This was so fun to read! <3

    ~ Savannah

    1. That makes me so happy, Savannah! ^_^ Lots of "quiet extroverts", I love this! Maybe we can help each other out! :) Wonderful!! <3

  7. It's really interesting that I see a lot of myself in you, but I took the personality test once and I'm the "Campaigner" or ENFP. We're both under diplomats, though, so maybe that's why? *Shrug*

    I really enjoyed this post and I'm SO glad that you enjoyed talking to me that night as much as I enjoyed talking to you. :D

    1. Could be, Emily! That's interesting ... it would make sense, I guess! :)

      Happy you enjoyed! ^_^ And YES! :D It was great to get to talk to you! I went away that evening feeling so happy. <3