Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Give Up or Surrender?

      So, like a lot of young women out there, I would really like to get married.
      It's a dream of mine. A wish. A hope. It comes from deep within my heart, and its sweet and simple—I would like someone to cherish me as his own. Someone I can cherish as my own. Someone I can walk with on this earth hand in hand.
     Why do I feel like this dream is so looked down upon sometimes? As if I have a reason to be guilty for hoping to be a wife and a mother?

     When a young woman graduates from high school and tells of her big plans for college and a career, she is often applauded and encouraged.

     But when I speak of wanting to get married and have children, it often seems I get a belittling smile. Written by well-meaning Christians, quotes such as “sacred singleness” and “a woman should be so enamored with her heavenly Prince that she has no time to pine for an earthly prince” and “you can do God's work best when you're single” come across my path.

     To a certain extent, all these quotes have merit. But what about, “A wife of noble character, who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10) And “He who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favor from the Lord." (Proverbs 18:22) And “The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. (Genesis 2:18) And “Two are better than one, because they have good return for their work... A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9&12) And "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'  and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' ?  So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." (Matthew 19:4-6)

     What about the fact that God instigated marriage? That He created romance? That He made man, woman, and the marriage relationship? That He ordained the marriage covenant between a man and woman to be sacred? Marriage is a beautiful thing—God fashioned it to be just that.

     As for “sacred singleness”, if you are single and you're following God, then that is exactly what the status of your life is supposed to read. God has you here, unmarried, for a reason. He has holy work for you to go about. Your life is not on hold. Your godly singleness is sacred just like godly marriage is sacred.
     “A woman should be so enamored with her heavenly Prince that she has no time to pine for an earthly prince.” Jesus is our everything. We should never lower Him to the level of an earthly prince. Or elevate an earthly prince to His level. We should strive to grow in our relationship with Him, and be content in Him.
   An earthly prince is a gift. A blessing that God may bestow on us when He wishes. To want an earthly prince, to want marriage, is natural. A desire for marriage does not by any means make you less of a Christian. God knows our desires, and I believe He gave us our desires.
   Don't be so obsessed with getting married that you loose sight of your Heavenly Prince. But a hope for marriage should be just like a hope for anything else... a hope to get published, a hope to have children, a hope for a good church family...
   Surrender your dream to God, and trust that He knows what's best for your future because He loves you so much.

      Speaking of “You can do God's work best when you're single.”, I can't say I wholly agree with that. As singles, we still have obligations, just like married people. If not to our family (parents and siblings), then we have to balance college and providing for oneself, and things like that. As the King's children, we all have royal business we should be about. When we get married, God's work should never become less important to us. Rather, we now have a partner to work with. Additionally, let it never be said that raising children to love and serve God is not His work.
     To sum up my point, I don't feel like I should GIVE UP my hope of marriage, like its something that makes me less “holy”. Like I should shrug in defeat, “I'm pretty sure I'm going to be an old maid.”

     Rather, I should SURRENDER my dream of getting married into the hands of God, because (1) He is in control of my life. (2) I need to trust Him. (3) He knows what's best. (4) I want His best.

     I don't want to be that young woman on the look-out for a “could-be husband” wherever she goes. I want to focus on my wonderful Savior, His amazing work He has set out before me, and the loved ones He has already gifted me with.

     I don't want to be the woman who's depressed and lonely because she's not married like all her friends. I don't want to be the one leaving a string of broken relationships and hearts behind her. I don't want to be the one with a broken heart or a broken marriage. —Or a broken soul.

     I want to KNOW that my everything comes from God. I want to be content where He has me. I want to trust Him with my future. If He has marriage in His plans for me, I want it to come about His way.
      That way I will honor my God, and experience marriage beautifully as God fashioned it to be.

     I may or may not get married. I haven't heard God's “no” so far. It's still a gentle hope deep inside my heart. A gift I hope for, not a goal I need to accomplish. But I know my God is enough. I trust Him to give me joy, peace, and contentment. And if marriage is His plan for me, I trust it will come in the right timing.

     So don't be ashamed of hoping for a husband and children! Just know that your loving Heavenly Father is enough for you, and trust Him in the area of such details and blessings!! :)


  1. What great thoughts!! God is the one who created marriage, and it can be a good and wonderful thing, if it's with the right person ... the person, as you say, who will help bring you closer to God, not distract you from Him. I'm glad you don't let anyone make you feel ashamed of having that dream, because it is truly an honorable one!

    1. Thank you, Ashlee! And for your comment, and sharing your thoughts, it's encouraging! :)

  2. Thank you so much for this post! I completely agree with all of that, and I also have a strong desire to get married.

    1. You're welcome, Lydia! I'm glad it encouraged you. :) I believe God gives us our dreams for marriage and such ... Keep trusting Him and following His path! ^_^