So, like a lot of young women out
there, I would really like to get married.
It's a dream of mine. A wish. A
hope. It comes from deep within my heart, and its sweet and simple—I
would like someone to cherish me as his own. Someone I can cherish as
my own. Someone I can walk with on this earth hand in hand.
Why do I feel like this dream is
so looked down upon sometimes? As if I have a reason to be guilty for
hoping to be a wife and a mother?
When a young woman graduates from
high school and tells of her big plans for college and a career, she
is often applauded and encouraged.
But when I speak of wanting to get
married and have children, it often seems I get a belittling smile.
Written by well-meaning Christians, quotes such as “sacred
singleness” and “a woman should be so enamored with her heavenly
Prince that she has no time to pine for an earthly prince” and “you
can do God's work best when you're single” come across my path.
To a certain extent, all these
quotes have merit. But what about, “A wife of noble character, who
can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10) And
“He who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favor from the Lord." (Proverbs 18:22) And “The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18) And “Two
are better than one, because they have good return for their work...
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes
4:9&12) And "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' ? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." (Matthew 19:4-6)
What about the fact that God
instigated marriage? That He created romance? That He made man,
woman, and the marriage relationship? That He ordained the marriage
covenant between a man and woman to be sacred? Marriage is a
beautiful thing—God fashioned it to be just that.
As for “sacred singleness”,
if you are single and you're following God, then that is exactly what
the status of your life is supposed to read. God has you here,
unmarried, for a reason. He has holy work for you to go about. Your
life is not on hold. Your godly singleness is sacred just like godly
marriage is sacred.
“A woman should be so
enamored with her heavenly Prince that she has no time to pine for
an earthly prince.” Jesus is our everything. We should never
lower Him to the level of an earthly prince. Or elevate an earthly
prince to His level. We should strive to grow in our relationship
with Him, and be content in Him.
An earthly prince is a gift. A
blessing that God may bestow on us when He wishes. To want an earthly
prince, to want marriage, is natural. A desire for marriage does not
by any means make you less of a Christian. God knows our desires, and
I believe He gave us our desires.
Don't be so obsessed with getting
married that you loose sight of your Heavenly Prince. But a hope for
marriage should be just like a hope for anything else... a hope to
get published, a hope to have children, a hope for a good church
family...
Surrender your dream to God, and trust that He knows what's
best for your future because He loves you so much.
Speaking of “You can do God's
work best when you're single.”,
I can't say I wholly agree with that. As singles, we still have
obligations, just like married people. If not to our family (parents and siblings), then we
have to balance college and providing for oneself, and things like
that. As the King's children, we all have royal business we should be
about. When we get married, God's work should never become less
important to us. Rather, we now have a partner to work with.
Additionally, let it never be said that raising children to love and
serve God is not His work.
To
sum up my point, I don't feel like I should GIVE UP my hope of
marriage, like its something that makes me less “holy”. Like I
should shrug in defeat, “I'm pretty sure I'm going to be an old
maid.”
Rather,
I should SURRENDER my dream of getting married into the hands of God, because (1) He
is in control of my life. (2) I need to trust Him. (3) He knows
what's best. (4) I want His best.
I
don't want to be that young woman on the look-out for a “could-be
husband” wherever she goes. I want to focus on my wonderful Savior,
His amazing work He has set out before me, and the loved ones He has
already gifted me with.
I
don't want to be the woman who's depressed and lonely because she's
not married like all her friends. I don't want to be the one leaving
a string of broken relationships and hearts behind her. I don't want
to be the one with a broken heart or a broken marriage. —Or a
broken soul.
I
want to KNOW that my everything comes from God. I want to be content
where He has me. I want to trust Him with my future. If He has
marriage in His plans for me, I want it to come about His way.
That
way I will honor my God, and experience marriage beautifully as God
fashioned it to be.
I may or may not get married. I haven't heard God's “no” so far.
It's still a gentle hope deep inside my heart. A gift I hope for, not
a goal I need to accomplish. But I know my God is enough. I trust Him
to give me joy, peace, and contentment. And if marriage is His plan
for me, I trust it will come in the right timing.
So
don't be ashamed of hoping for a husband and children! Just know that
your loving Heavenly Father is enough for you, and trust Him in the
area of such details and blessings!! :)
